Best Man Jokes: 25 One-Liners That Actually Land
Good best man jokes do two things: get a laugh from the whole room, not just the stag do crowd, and keep the groom (and his new in-laws) onside.
Below are 25 tried-and-tested one-liners, grouped by type, plus guidance on picking jokes that suit your crowd.
And remember – these can work for any kind of wedding. Switch up the best man jokes to suit a groom, bride, new spouse etc. if you need to!
Jokes about the groom
Safe, affectionate digs that poke fun without embarrassing anyone.
- “I’d like to congratulate [groom] on a wonderful speech – I always knew it’d be hard to follow. I was right; I could hardly follow a word of it.”
- “If you see [groom] on the dance floor later, hunched over like he’s scraping something off his shoe – don’t panic, that’s just how he dances.”
- “[Groom]’s always been a bit of a hypochondriac. He once took a sleeping tablet and a laxative on the same night. Unfortunately, that was the night we were sharing a bed.”
- “I looked up what else happened on [groom]’s date of birth. Turns out not much – though the nurses on the ward still call it ‘Ugly Tuesday.'”
- “The stag do got wild. Some of the words he came out with on that Scrabble board…”
Self-deprecating best man jokes
Turning the joke on yourself is one of the safest openers and closers – it plays well with every generation in the room.
- “Good afternoon, everyone. If anyone here is feeling nervous, worried, or apprehensive – you’re either me, or you just married [groom].”
- “In the interest of full transparency, I wrote most of this speech in the car park about forty minutes ago.”
- “I’ve been told my job today is to embarrass the groom. Honestly, given some of what I’ve got, I think I might embarrass myself more.”
In-law and family jokes
Gentle, universally-understood jokes that work even with grandparents in the room.
- “What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.”
- “[Bride], you’re an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you, I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.”
Jokes for a brother
If you’re speaking as the groom’s brother, a joke that leans on shared history lands better than a generic one. These work well as opening lines for a best man’s speech too.
- “Growing up, [groom] always said he’d be the successful one. To be fair, today he did manage to find someone willing to marry him, so I suppose he was right.”
- “I’ve known the groom slightly longer than everyone else here – since birth, in fact – and I’ve got the scars to prove it.”
One-liners for a tough room
Short, mild jokes that work even if you’re not sure how the audience will react – no risk of anyone taking offence.
- “They say opposites attract. Which explains why someone as easy-going as [bride] is marrying [groom].”
- “Marriage is a bit like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re wishing for a club and a spade.”
How to pick the right jokes for your speech
- Read the room, not just the joke. A line that kills at the stag do can land very differently in front of both families. When in doubt, pick the milder version.
- Limit how many you use. Five or six well-placed jokes across a five-minute speech beats fifteen crammed in – pacing matters more than volume.
- Keep the groom’s dignity intact. A joke should tease, not genuinely embarrass him in front of his new in-laws – there’s a difference between a laugh at his expense and a story that could cause real awkwardness.
- Test them on someone first. Read your shortlist to a partner, sibling, or friend who knows the couple – what’s funny in your head doesn’t always land the same way out loud.
FAQs
What are some good best man jokes?
Jokes about the groom’s quirks, gentle in-law jokes, and self-deprecating lines about the best man himself tend to land best, since they’re funny without singling anyone out unfairly. Keep them short – one or two sentences is usually enough to get the laugh.
Are self-deprecating best man jokes a good idea?
Yes – turning the joke on yourself is one of the lowest-risk ways to get an early laugh, since it doesn’t rely on knowing the audience’s sense of humour and can’t offend anyone else in the room.
How many jokes should be in a best man speech?
Five to six well-placed jokes across a speech is usually enough. Too many back-to-back jokes can make a speech feel like a stand-up set rather than a genuine tribute to the couple.
Should best man jokes be rude or family-friendly?
It depends entirely on the audience. If children, grandparents, or more conservative family members will be in the room, stick to family-friendly jokes – you can always save anything edgier for the stag do speech instead.
Bridebook, the UK’s #1 wedding planning platform used by over 2.8 million couples, has more guidance on writing a best man speech – including how to structure the running order of wedding speeches if you’re coordinating timing with the father of the bride.
Why Trust Bridebook
Bridebook is the world’s #1 wedding planning platform, used by over 2.8 million couples. Our content is informed by real data from the Bridebook UK Wedding Report, which draws on responses from thousands of couples planning their weddings each year. Where expert input is included, contributors are named and their credentials verified. We update our articles regularly to ensure prices, statistics, and advice reflect current market conditions.
Last reviewed: July 2026
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